


Entangled

by narutoblogging



Series: Rewind, look closer, watch it change under your care. [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narutoblogging/pseuds/narutoblogging
Summary: Chouji is discharged from the hospital after the failed Sasuke recovery mission, and the two of them share a casual moment of comfort and relief from the unrelenting growing pains.
Relationships: Akimichi Chouji/Nara Shikamaru
Series: Rewind, look closer, watch it change under your care. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098329
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	Entangled

They laid side-by-side on Chouji’s bed. Upon entering the room Shikamaru had looked around awkwardly after Chouji laid himself out fully on his bed, at the absence of a chair or the thin mattress that was brought out when he or Ino slept over, but Chouji just patted at the space he attempted to allow for Shikamaru’s narrower figure by his side on the bed. He followed without really thinking. The silence was heavy with awkwardness, in a situation that they felt required some reassurances or explanations or an openness they were unused to.

Shikamaru held back a dissatisfied tongue click he feared could be misunderstood. Chouji blinked uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry your mission went wrong, Shikamaru.” He said again (and he’d been repeating himself, over and over, like it was his fault, and Shikamaru wanted to be annoyed just to feel like himself again, but he felt understood, and he felt pathetic and small and weak for how much he needed it).

“Don’t mind it,” Shikamaru also repeated himself.

This had felt like their first “real” mission, the one they held most control over, even as genin underlings it had been anxiety inducing (or exciting, for some,) to have an important goal to be achieved without close adult supervision. The lessons also felt real. Chouji had killed someone for the first time, then almost died himself, and evaded any conversation regarding that as if giving it too much thought would result in his premature retirement.

A few silent moments allowed Shikamaru to mull it over again, malicious hot shame grabbing him by his stomach. Chouji shifted to his side and scooched back, an arm burrowing under the pillow, the other extending to gently touch Shikamaru’s shoulder signaling for him to move closer, like he just realized his friend was nearly tipping over the edge of the bed. Shikamaru shimmied more to the center, but Chouji didn’t move his arm, resting it across his ribcage, heavy but so soft and careful like he wasn’t the one still healing scary deep scars, the skin shut and thickened by healing chakra, but still angry-red and clearly uncomfortable.

Ironically, it lifted much of the weight Shikamaru carried. They were very much there and alive and it brought back the usual feeling that the time they spent together was safe from the pains and worries of the real world, their grueling daily lives shut off, distant, the present so quiet and theirs, like their sacred little secret. It felt especially good when they touched, and it was something Shikamaru found became much too rare as they grew up and became shy of all the new meanings the “grown up” world assigned to affection and intimacy of all kinds.

“I like being close to you like this.” Shikamaru gave into the urge to talk about it. He tentatively reached up a hand to rest on Chouji’s wrist on his shoulder, keeping a direct but relaxed gaze on Chouji’s slowly reddening face.

It was more comfortable for him to say than he imagined, and he knew Chouji was more anxious about adult standards of “appropriateness” than himself, but also not against words and displays of affection. In the dark of some quiet night they’ve spent together he had confided in them how he struggled with growing up, how he felt he was progressively being denied love and support he still felt he needed (not in so many words, and stumbling here and there to explain himself, but they understood that much, and felt similarly in parts). Shikamaru felt like Ino had a better way to adapt to others’ needs, and he paid attention to how she treated Chouji more carefully and softly. Shikamaru figured his usual demeanor was too passive to change significantly, but did his best in his nonchalance, hoping his straightforward words could comfort unsettled hearts.

“Sometimes when we wake up all over each other and I pretend I rolled off the bed...” Shikamaru added sheepishly, since he had already brought it up anyway, “that’s a lie. I always leave the bed to sleep next to you if I wake up in the middle of the night.”

Chouji left out a small chuckle and Shikamaru’s lips twitched into a smile. His heart grew at ease knowing he could at least make his best friend laugh, spark a positive emotion in any way, and at the moment it felt like the single most important thing he could ever hope to achieve.

“You don’t need to pretend anymore. Let’s just share the bed from now on. It’s a hassle to keep dragging that mattress around anyway…”, Chouji mused, and Shikamaru murmured in agreement. If he wanted to fall asleep right now it’d be too much trouble going to the hallway closet to fetch extra bedding, and Chouji’s mom insisted that it be kept stored there instead of some corner in his room despite the frequent use.

“Wouldn’t your parents think it’s a little… weird, though?”

“I don’t think they would. Wouldn’t a married couple understand better than anyone else that it’s just better to sleep next to someone…?”

It was Shikamaru’s time to blush, unsure if Chouji realized the implications of what he had said. He worried, sometimes, about this feeling. That Chouji needed the kind of love and attention kids gave away so freely and that this was all his actions and words meant, still so cautious, tiptoeing the unwritten rule that they should have outgrown it, but not necessarily the same cautiousness Shikamaru exercised, because a whole ‘nother set of rules said they should not allow certain ways of love to flourish, because it was too early, or even, for some people, because of who they were.

Shikamaru didn’t believe he could control it, so he didn’t. He controlled his actions and what others could see, but it was against his nature to fight against nature and it just felt so natural - this growing understanding of new kinds of love they could experience, be they so inclined to, and his desire to follow it with Chouji, his best friend, the first person he thought about braving any new experience with. The person he wanted to share everything with the most, because life was nothing if not an opportunity to share yourself with the world around you, change and be changed, give and take. That was just the balance of nature, and there was some fear, because not everyone would appreciate what you had of yourself to share, but that is also part of it. Give, withhold, take, reject, request, deny, hope against hope. Actions were all you could control, but what flowers inside you, the beautiful and the ugly, can’t be changed.

So Shikamaru watches his best friend slip into a comfortable dream, scared and excited all the same for this small budding flower which roots he selfishly allowed to sink in his heart, because it was his and him, and something fierce and beautiful and precious like he never felt much of himself could be. This connection to Chouji that even Chouji could not take hold of, inextricable from his very self.

His eyes closed, and he allowed his hand to slide up to hold Chouji’s, feel his skin under his fingertips and the weight of his arm still on top of him. He couldn’t see Chouji’s smile, or the flower that bloomed deep in his own heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This might become a series of small scenes I constantly picture for their relationship's progression, but I'm not really a ficwriter and mostly just needed to get it out there bc I've been in my feelings re: shikachou.


End file.
